In an earlier article we brought you six top reasons women are just not “in the mood.” But that was women – what about when it comes to your guy’s side of the bed? As hard as it is to believe that a man might occasionally use the excuse, “Honey, not tonight – I have a headache,” that truly is sometimes the case. While guys usually want to get busy more often than not, sometimes there is a “not now” factor.

And, even worse, when our guy isn’t in the mood we often blame ourselves. One word of advice – don’t.  A man’s lack of interest, or lack of performance, most likely isn’t your fault. So then, what is to blame? The following ten factors might play a part in your partner’s inability or unwillingness to participate in some hanky-panky.

Desire Detractor #1: He’s getting along in years.
As men age their “reaction time” isn’t as quick, which may affect a man’s confidence when it comes to performing on short notice. As much fun as a quickie might sound to a “distinguished” gentleman, he might need some time to get in the mood. And if time doesn’t allow, he may play the opportunity off as disinterest (uh, headache excuse anyone?).

Quick Tip: Spontaneity is a great way to keep the fire lit in your relationship. But if he needs a bit more time to get ready, suggest he focus on you to begin with. Women need a little more time to get revved up anyway, and by making sure that you’re having a good time, he’ll buy some time for himself.

Desire Detractor #2: He’s down in the dumps.
Depression results in a double-edged sword when it comes to men and sexual drive. When your guy’s depressed, he’s simply less likely to want to hit the sheets. In fact, a lowered libido is actually a “textbook” symptom for depression. On the other hand, in order to treat the depression doctors will often prescribe anti-depressants, which also have a dampening effect. A big effect. According to research, more than 80 percent of people who take selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors, or SSRIs (like Prozac, Paxil and Zoloft) don’t have orgasms.

Quick Tip: Don’t give up hope just yet. There are antidepressants that have been shown to be less harsh on libido (such as Effexor, Wellbutrin and Cymbalta). Another option is to look at his lack of desire as a sexual dysfunction and treat it that way (with a Viagra-like medication). Experts claim that better sex usually equals a better mood all around, leading to better sex and well, you can see the pattern.

Desire Detractor #3: He Lights Up (and not like when he sees you enter the room).
If your guy smokes, he might have a harder time getting, well, you know. Why is this? Smoking reduces blood circulation – in ALL blood vessels including the ones in the penis. These vessels are actually more vulnerable than those of say, the heart, because they are smaller. With less blood flow it’s harder to get your guy to stand at attention, so to speak.

Quick Tip: Quit smoking. It’s as simple as that. If he can’t go cold turkey, there are a number of stop-smoking aids, both prescription and over-the-counter, that can be of help.

Desire Detractor #4: The size of his belly is to blame.
When your man puts on extra pounds, especially in the belly area, he’s unwillingly putting the kibosh on his sexual cravings. Abdominal fat contains an enzyme called aromatase that actually converts testosterone (the sex hormone that drives a guy’s libido) into the female sex hormone, estrogen. And less testosterone equals a lower sex drive.

Quick Tip: Don’t worry – the damage is reversible! When men lose weight, their testosterone levels go up again and all is right with the world (and in the bedroom).

Desire Detractor #5: He may have a major health concern on the horizon.
Experts are coming to the realization that the penis may be an indicator of any number of other health worries. After all, erections need multiple body systems to work properly and if any one of those systems has a glitch, the penis can reflect it. Sexual dysfunction can be an early warning sign for something more serious – a LOT more serious. Coronary artery disease typically develops within three years of erectile dysfunction (ED) and diabetes appears within eight years. Erectile dysfunction may also be a warning sign of heart attack and stroke, especially in men with hypertension.

Quick Tip: If your guy continues to experience ED, he needs to visit the doctor to see if there is something else going on health-wise.

Desire Detractor #6: He’s stressed out.
Stress more often affects a women’s libido, but guys can feel the effects of stress as well. If he’s got a lot on his mind, he might not be open to the vibes you’re sending his way – without even realizing it. Or, if he’s super-stressed he might just be exhausted by the end of the day. The behaviors that go along with stress may also be a factor in his lessened sexual appetite. Smoking, drinking, overeating and using drugs (prescription or other) can all put a halt to his urges.

Quick Tip: If there is anything you can take off your partner’s plate, offer to do so. Or, if not, try tactics to help him unwind like giving him a mini-massage or join him in exercising to burn off some of the stress. If stress becomes more than just an inconvenience, find out what’s causing it and address it head on.

Desire Detractor #7: He’s not getting enough sleep.
A number of factors can contribute to sleeplessness, but one has been getting more attention as of late – sleep apnea. Sleep apnea occurs when breathing is disrupted during sleep, causing sufferers to wake up multiple times during the night (whether they are aware of it or not). A recent study found that among 50 men who had sleep apnea, 80 percent also had erectile dysfunction. Despite these results, it is unclear whether sleep apnea causes ED. However, many other conditions associated with sleep apnea (diabetes, obesity, high blood pressure) are also associated with ED.

Another way lack of sleep affects desire is simply lack of energy.

Quick Tip: A healthy amount of sleep is 7-8 hours per night. Any less than that and you start to flirt with a number of side effects. If you think your guy might suffer from sleep apnea, visit a sleep clinic to know for sure.

Desire Detractor #8: He expects more than his meds can deliver.
With the introduction of Viagra and other drugs similar in nature, many men might have thought all their problems were solved. Especially when the advertising for those drugs tends to over-promise results. But even the best drug options on the market won’t work 100 percent of the time, which might cause your guy to give up hope altogether.

Sometimes there’s more at play than just a physical aspect. If your man’s troubles are emotional in nature, taking a pill won’t magically turn things around.

Quick Tip: If your guy’s issue is strictly “mechanical” help him set realistic expectations. After all, sexual success 75 percent of the time is better than zero percent. If there’s more going on than just physics, encourage your partner to see a sex therapist to address any unresolved psychological issues that may be to blame.

Desire Detractor #9: He has emotional baggage.
No matter how much your guy digs you, if there was a relationship in his past that didn’t go well sexually, he might be carrying some of that excess baggage to your situation. Guys are people too – they can be affected by a dysfunctional past relationship just as much as women. Perhaps an old flame was critical of his abilities in the bedroom, or he recently ended a long-term relationship and is still recovering.

Quick Tip: Whatever the case may be, the best way to resolve any past issues is to let him know that you’re open to discussing them. He may not feel comfortable confiding in you, but if you let him know he can share freely and without judgment, he will already be one step closer to putting that past experience behind him.

Desire Detractor #10: You’re too good to be true.
A lot of guys dream of having a confident, sexually assertive, no-holds-barred type of woman in their bedroom. But is he ready for that reality? If your guy suddenly feels like he can no longer control when (and possibly where) you want to have sex, he might feel a bit intimidated and worried that he won’t be able to perform on demand.

Quick Tip: First of all, don’t lose that confidence! Reassure your partner that just because you might initiate sex once in a while doesn’t mean you expect him to succumb every time. If the pressure is off, he might just find himself more in the mood.

No matter what the cause is behind your guy’s lost libido, addressing it and taking steps to find it again will help you maintain a happy, healthy relationship – both in and out of the bedroom.